Friday, December 19, 2008

So, what doesn't kill a mother and wife...

...will it make her stronger?
I know a mom and a wife that wants to wake up the next day knowing what the future holds for her children. I know a mom and wife that wants to know if she is going to be able (she and her husband both) to provide for her children in the following months.

I know a mom and wife that went to college and busted ass to get her much desired education. She busted ass and kicked it as well. She worked at various places for money. She pulled out too many student loans because her crappy pell grants weren't enough to cover her school expenses. The student at the time became pregnant. However, it didn't stop her. She continued on because she was a fighter. She went to school up until the day she delivered her first child. She was taking a Spanish exam only a few days before her labor was induced. She even returned to school as soon as the next semester started, leaving her child in the care of her mother-in-law.

By this time, she was a mom and a wife as well as a student. She suffered greatly with post-partum depression and would have to leave class in tears because she couldn't make it through the day. This mom and wife kept going. She finally finished school. Her baby was at her graduation.

This mom and wife applied for many jobs but was turned down here and there. This mom and wife was offered no more than 8-10 dollars an hour a week. Some places with no benefits. So her husband stepped BACK in and took over the duties of work. He worked while she was in school, with a low paying position as a restaurant server. So the husband went back to work as a server. The family wasn't eligible for many things, because the father had not completed his immigration paperwork. It didn't matter they invested so much money and time into it for him to do the right thing the right way. It didn't matter. They didn't care.

So the family kept on going. Kept on counting on their pennies and dimes to live. Was put on waiting list after waiting list for aide, section 8 help, and so on. Time went on. The mom and wife had baby number 2 in April 2008. The husband had finally found a wonderful job! FINALLY! FINALLY a break for this family!! He became the manager of a restaurant. He was making good money and they were finally able to pay the bills. However, 6 or 7 months went by. Husband lost that wonderful job. Just like that. So quick. Everything started again, except this time, with two children in tow. The family went to Salvation Army and was turned down for "lack of funding." United Way wouldn't help because of the city they lived in. They didn't "cover" applicants in the particular area. The place that financed their vehicle wouldn't work with them on payments; so that lead to repossession of the vehicle. Their only vehicle.

The mom and wife was already in the middle of filing bankruptcy, after a failed debt consolidation attempt. That was due to using up credit and maxing cards out to support the family during the time spent in college.

Now the family faces so many things. Having to break an apartment lease early and suffer the disadvantages of that; so they can move into a place where they can get back onto their feet (due to the help of a family member).

Garnishment of wages. Poor credit for years and years. Pure and utter failure. Despair. No light at the end of the tunnel. And so on.

The family sold everything they had except for their computer. Their computer only had gotten offers of around 20$; however, they had to sell furniture, precious items, and so on. Just to make it.

I can tell you that they are not giving up, they will not give up, no matter what happens. They are a family and that is what families do.

I am not only telling the story of this one particular family. I am telling the story of many families across the United States. Where across the country in the "land of opportunity" , suffrage is an understatement.


Kerri said...

I know a DAMN good mother and a damn good wife ... the one that wrote this. I know that mother and that wife will get through it all ... she just needs to hang on. God does not give you what you can't handle.

In the voice of Dora: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming"

Liberal I am. Bona fide I be. said...

Kerr, I know that woman is so happy to see your shiny face on here with such an uplifting comment!!

Love ya Kerr! You are a damn fine friend. :)

(BTW--I think its Dory)


Kerri said...

LOL Dora ... Dory ... they both annoy me. ;)

Retro Housewife said...

You can do it. Hang in there girl.

Liberal I am. Bona fide I be. said...

Yes we can, si se puede.

kmath said...

You are a wonderful wife and mom! You guys will make it through this and come out stronger. I love you girl, I wish there was more I could do!

JamericanSpice said...

I believe you can make it Stina. I was there once...too many times...not with kids but right there.

Remember when it was bad before and it got better? It will get better again. It's just really hard to see the other side when you are in the river and the current is too strong. Especially if it's dark, but the other side is there.

I keep praying for you.

Keep stomping on life. STOMP girl. Stomp.


Liberal I am. Bona fide I be. said...

It's so unfortunate that so many families are having to suffer right here at the holiday. Goes to show that holidays are just another day, that it doesn't make them any more special than any other regular day. There will always be suffering but there will always be compassion. It's just hard to see it at times.

AlexMami said...

You'll make it!!! You've kicked butt before and you'll do it again. You got us as back up this time. We'll stand with you. We may have never met in person, but girl, you know I got your back!!


Shirley said...

Thanks, Stina for saying it loud and proud. I know what it is to have to go through your precious things to try and sell them. You'll make it through, and come out of it for the better!

kater said...
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kater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kater said...

(need to proof *before* i hit publish!! third time's a charm...)

my god stina. i haven't been keeping up. hold on, momma. what can i do to help??? pm me if there's anything i can do. we've been in that hole, with four kids in tow....

keep watching for that light. it's there; i promise.

Liberal I am. Bona fide I be. said...

LOL KATER! I've told you TIME and TIME again no drinking and surfing the internetz. ;)

Kater, she's just happy to have a friend like you to listen. That's all she wants. :)

JamericanSpice said...

Don't make me kiss on you and stuff :) hehe. Just seeing your talkings on me blog.

I love when you visits :)

And when I visit I'll let David teach baby girl some affection....wait that sound innocent right? hehe

I hope today's sunshine gives you more hope.


JamericanSpice said...

Another have being tagged...not that you 'have to do' but you should know.


Anonymous said...

Hi Stina,
Thank you for visiting my blog. I'm having a good rummage around in yours (hope you don't mind?).

I hadn't realised this was you as I read the post.

I truly believe that bad times are sent for a reason, what that is isn't always clear but if you start to look for that tiny piece of silver lining, you never know what you will find.

Someone once told me " Life's a long lesson. You can either listen, look and learn something from every class or mess about and stumble along trying to catch up"

What is this lesson teaching you?

Soz - a bit intense there for a first comment, but I really hope you get through this sooner rather than later.

Liberal I am. Bona fide I be. said...

No, not intense! It is things I must read and hear. Thanks so much for stopping by. :) Means a lot!